One specific area of communication that you probably haven’t heard before is communication with your family. Oh, yeah, I know that isn’t an area that’s right for conflict. Family communication is different from all other areas of communication, primarily because of the connection that we have.
In other words, it’s your family that is with you most of the time.
The other area that makes family communications so much more contentious is because they know how to push your buttons. You know your parents probably better than they know themselves. Even your siblings, your sisters, and brothers are more familiar to you than almost any friend you probably have.
They seem to grow up. They pretty much know you since your childhood, in most ways, so they know precisely how you developed, and they also know where you’ve been, where you’re coming from, and they suspect they know where you’re going.
Reasons: Why Family is Important
- The family loves us for what we are
- Family as a backbone
- The Family protects us in anyway
- Family helps in decision making
Few Family Communication Patterns You Should Keep in Mind While Dealing with Your Family
“Accept as they are”- the mantra of your life
The first part about communication with your Family would have to understand is that you have to accept that you cannot change your Family. That’s one of the things they know and, unfortunately, make use against you. You can often choose your friends, but you can’t select your Family, as the saying goes.
So the first step is recognizing that if you had to, could you live with the fact that they’re going to be communicating with you this way, probably for the rest of your life. Otherwise, they will probably use the same old manipulative tactics, the same old, whatever strategies that they’ve used in the past to get you to do what they want you to do.
Families are by nature, very manipulative, but on the other hand, because primarily they know that you’re obligated. But this still doesn’t mean you don’t have a support system. Yes, you do have obligations to your Family that you don’t have to anyone else, and you should honor them to the best of your ability.
But do not let those obligations destroy the lifestyle that you want to live. No family member should ever ask you to stop growing, stop being a better person, or otherwise do anything that would change you for the worst. If they do, then they’re not a family to say.
Our families don’t communicate in healthy ways. They know they’ve gotten established family relationships with you, so they’re going to take advantage of it. But still, if you want to change someone’s habit, that doesn’t mean we will poke him again and again; we have to accept them as they are, very firstly. Changing their habit means changing their existing Sankara, which is not that very easy. They need our love, not rejections.
Ask yourself what you want them to do
What goal is you want to get from any interaction with your family members? Maintain happy feelings, avoid animosity or contention or conflict or problems, or even confront your Family. Then I feel you’re perfectly justified in just saying what you need to speak to keep things running smoothly.
If your goal is to get somebody else to do something in your Family that you want them to do, ask yourself how you communicate to somebody else who isn’t in your Family to do the same task. It’s straightforward to fall back on the shortest and least complex method of getting somebody to do something: family manipulation.
You got to do what I ask of you. If you were to say no, they often pull to freeze out the silent treatment, the cold shoulder, and frankly, they go to even worse extents in some families, more unhealthy relationships. So once you’ve isolated what your goal is from the interaction between you and your family member, think about what is the best way to communicate it.
Rejection of our strategy of living a better way
For example, when I made some changes in my Family, they resisted it. They didn’t feel comfortable with somebody who was doing things a healthy way, but they got used to it after a while. And honestly, I had to literally separate myself from them to develop the skills so that I could come back and make sure that I didn’t fall into the same unhealthy patterns. And now, I’m respected as one of the more effective communicators within the Family.
Style of manipulative communication
Another important part of communication with your Family is the best reaction is no reaction.
Remember, they’re going to try every tactic they’ve got. They’ll be bugging you. It will be prodding you. They’ll be teasing. You will do everything they can to break down and revert to the person they believe you to be, and their belief is based on the force years and years of exposure to you, probably from your childhood. But eventually, they will stop bugging you, and they will stop a lot of their behavior once they realize they don’t work. In other words, you can’t show a reaction to their particular style of manipulative communication behaviors.
You can also learn about COMMUNICATION FOR COUPLES
Stick to your plans
If you go back to the old behaviors, you are not going to succeed. If you start this path towards better and more effective communication with your Family and for whatever reason, you lose your posture, and it breaks, and they know that they were able to spoil you. You’re going to have an even more challenging time doing it the next time. So this is something you don’t want to fail at the first time around.
Strengthen up the bonds
Just be very clear, very relaxed, very cool, and calm when you’re communicating with your Family. You definitely don’t want to let emotions get into the mix because that’s how you’re gonna get inspired to get in. Arguments and arguments are almost never won with your own Family. Think through what you’re going to say. Make sure you know how you’re gonna handle it. Before you get into that kind of discussion. Plan on how you’re going to say it, say it, and then stand behind it, no matter what. Eventually, they will recognize that your communication was respectable, truthful, and positive for both of you.
I’ll give you an example. Your mother typically calls you up and guilt you into coming over for Thanksgiving dinner, but you want to spend it with your girlfriend’s family this year. You know, this is a kind of cause of the problem. You know, there’s going to be a lot of talk about it, so in advance, you know that they’re going to give you a hard time. The first thing you do is recognize what the hot buttons are they’re going to push.
The second thing is the plan out for what you’re going to communicate with them. You want to create a win-win situation. So what do you tell them? Something I would say would be, You know, I’ve spent Thanksgiving with you guys every year, and I love it. This year, I thought I’d try something a little different when will probably do is spend the actual dinner with my girlfriend’s Family. And then on Friday or Saturday, I’ll come over and spend some time with you guys. That way, I could enjoy both families, and we’ll still be able to get together. Now you’ve got your communication, you can deliver it, and you can stand by it. You’ve also done the right thing, which is to create a win-win situation. In other words, you’re not just demanding. Your own needs are met.
You’re trying to meet their needs at the same time they want to see you. They want to enjoy his part of the Family. So the last bit of advice I have on us has keep all of your communications upbeat, positive, and healthy. Be flexible, be willing to adjust a little bit. But the firm, when it comes to getting what it is you wanted out of the conversation. Yes.
Mom will probably come back with Oh, but come on. You can bring your girlfriend over to our Family. Why don’t you come over here and eat with us and then you can go over and spend time with them on Saturday or Sunday again. You know what the response is going to be so you can plan for it.
Mom, I actually thought about that, and I decided that we probably do it this way for her Family. And then maybe next year we’ll do it at your house for Thanksgiving dinner and go see her Family later on the weekend. So we’re sure you do understand. Maybe somebody else will pressure you. But you got to stick by your guns. Be firm, Be resolute, Be positive, and Don’t react. Plan what you want from every interaction, and you can still get what you want from your communications with your Family.
Build your own stamina
Its really important to increase our emotional stamina, tolerance power, our power to bend, resilience, the power to adjust, the ability to adapt, our power to be flexible. For all of it, we need to nourish ourselves, and that comes through meditation and yoga.
There should be a connection between the situation and our state of mind. And choose the option that you want to do that will increase your emotional intelligence.
Balance work and Family
Create boundaries to your tasks, whether they are official or nonofficial. Give priorities to your activities in day to day routine. Start getting organized towards everything that goes your way. Delete the people from your life who are declining your performances. Be calm at everything happening around, don’t stress yourself.
Sharing family problems
Sharing your problems to your Family will relieve you in every way. Whether those problems have a solution with them or not, they are the most trusted people in your life. Our resistant nature may create a physically or emotionally unfit. Sharing will help you free up your mind and get the best Family Communication.
Toxic that will lead to poor family relations
- Arguments in any discussion will create conflicts in the relations.
- The misunderstanding comes due to a lack of understanding of other’s behavior.
- Lack of patience leads to a lack of tolerance, which means you are not accepting others as they are.
- Differences in values and principles: Family members should be given equal rights and should be treated with respect and dignity.
- Not allowing others to be what they are is not giving the right to others to do what they want to do means we are bounding them with our expectation which will never make them happy.
Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible — the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.
Virginia Satir
